I have a nasty little itch in a particular niche

You might not want to watch

I'm going to rip out my crotch

But when you find you have got that special feminine rot

You'll do anything to make it go away

I've been considering a hairbrush

Considering a knife

If it won't go away don't want to go on with life

In all complete candor a small belt sander

Might just about do it

You'd have to sand right through it

I've been thinking that embalming

Might somehow be more calming

A chemical that surpasses lethal mustard gases

To kill the little beast

In its fungal little feast