- Wolves. Children of the night.
- How old are you?
- I have crossed oceans just to see you.
- Your breath smells like dirt.

I'll never be an emo vampire
Setting tweenaged loins on fire

I've got nothing in common with the vampires of today
They gaze at girls and pout and brood and then just run away

This Twilight hack thinks she can come along and change the Vampire rules
I guess sleeping in coffins and wearing capes, suddenly isn't cool

Girls won't climb up trees with me or canoodle in the grass
And when I play Vampire baseball I always get picked last

- Oh, c'mon. Seriously dudes. That's a human you just picked over me.

I've seduced all kinds of women from all over the world
But, now the only dates I get are with chunky gothic girls

When did all these Vampires become abstinent and whiny
When I walk out into the sun I don't get all bright and shiny

Vampires don't have purity rings like undead Jonas Brothers
If I can't score with these high school girls, perhaps I'll go for their mothers

- Why not? When you're 600 years old there's no such thing as a cougar.

I'll never be an emo vampire
Setting tweenaged loins on fire

I'll have no participation
In this vampire pussification

So wake me up when the world grows a pair... Of fangs

- You thought I was going to say balls did'nt you?